A belated Fathers Day reflection

 

That's my dad in the lefthand photo when I was a tyke.  That chunker he's holding is me.  My older sister is next to him.  That was Atlantic City. I think the only family vacation we took in those early years.  At least the only one they ever talked about. Despite my dad's love of travel, we seldom did, at least as a whole family.  I think I can count on both hands the actual family trips we took. And several of those were after my sister got married the first time and moved out.  If memory serves, one point of contention with her was that she always wanted to stay home and talk on the phone - cell phones being distant science fiction at that point.

Anyway, the other picture is of my second oldest and his daughter this Father's Day.  As the uncles call her, the gremlin. 

Gratuitous pics of Gremlins 1 & 2

He's reading with her because he and my daughter-in-law are purposefully toning down their kids' exposure to electronics, including TV.  They might let her watch an older kid's show - Blues Clues or The Wiggles for instance - but that's it.  And that maybe once a day (twice on rare occasions), if at all.

When the boys were growing up, they were in public school.  We tried to jostle the difference between how we would raise them and the world in which they lived.  We wanted them to do other than just sit about on electronics, watch television or, heaven forbid, be on social media (not yet a big thing then).  But we also wanted them to at least have an idea of the greater cultural ocean in which they were swimming.  We wanted them to be aware of what was happening around them, if nothing else so they could relate to their classmates better. 

Part of this was finding things in the current day that weren't terribly offensive, like Harry Potter, or the Marvel movies, or some of the books of that era.  Part of this was also making sure at home they were exposed to older books, older movies, older TV shows.  It was no strange development that shows like The Andy Griffith Show were among their favorites when their peers liked shows I had never heard of.  Likewise, one of the teachers in their middle school told me how once he saw my oldest reading a book in the cafeteria.  He noticed it was leather bound, when he said kids by then were increasingly on tablets or at best reading graphic novels.  He went up and looked and saw my son reading Oliver Twist.  He was taken by that. 

When we decided to homeschool in the middle of the school year (long story there), I sent a bulk email to all teachers and staff concerned.  I explained why we were doing so, to a point, without being mean about it.  Most said they understood.  One teacher, who had all three of my sons, wrote back.  He said they were always good kids (and they were).  But while they got along well enough, to differing degrees based on the son in question, they were always a bit - off.  Different than the others.  Not in a bad way mind you.  They just always seemed to march to the beat of a different drum. And I never minded that.

If we were raising the boys today, however, I think we'd be closer to what our son and daughter-in-law are doing.  Because despite all the changes from that day in Atlantic City to the days of my older sons' childhoods, there were still similarities in culture, norms and expectations for the future.  Something they are the first to acknowledge.  Likewise, they are also the first to acknowledge - rather bluntly - that all of that has since changed in the last dozen years or so.  Which is why, raising kids today, I'm going with the books and music and walks through the park over exposure to anything produced in the modern era that requires electricity, except as a rare treat.  

A father's day thought reflecting on the world my father knew and the world my grandchildren will confront.  

From last Thanksgiving, but just as much fun